Challenge

I'm starting.  I just have to start!  Here are my fears and why I have been putting this off...

1.  I am a bad writer.

2.  I don't want to say the wrong thing.

3.  I'm nervous to be vulnerable.

Okay, now that those are out there.  Here are the reasons I really want to start this blog...

1.  Hold myself accountable and current in the ever changing world of Student Ministry

2.  Explore the unique world of being a partner in ministry as well as a wife and mom

3.  Create support and community among other ministry wives

I have been mulling this idea over for several months now and kept "re-writing" it in my mind.  But, I really felt convicted that I needed to challenge myself to do this.  When Chris (my awesome youth pastor husband) and I first started dating, we were partners in ministry.  We always "did" ministry together and LOVED it!  Actually, the weekend of our first date, Chris asked me if I had ever considered being a pastor's wife because that was what God had called him to do and he didn't want to lead me on.  So, I have known from the very beginning that this was the road I would travel.  What I didn't expect was the shift that would occur when our kids came along.  

I am blessed beyond words that I can stay home with them.  I am so thankful that Chris and I share that priority, and that he found ways to make that financially possible.  But, my role as "youth volunteer" has had to drastically change.  When it was just Sam (our oldest, 3 years old), he came with us to everything.  He was the youth group mascot.  :)  When Maddy (our only girl, 18 months old) came along, it was a little harder with feedings and bed times.  When Jack (our baby, 6 months old) surprised us by coming so quickly, there was no way we could be at Wednesday night student time without being a HUGE distraction.  So, I stay home with them.  As much as I can, we get babysitters and call on awesome grandparents to watch them for special events.  And, we bring them along to as many things as we can, but we (I) do not want our students to ever feel like they are missing out on meaningful interaction time because of small children running around.  Our students LOVE our kids, which I love.  And Sam likes nothing more than to hang out with the "teenagers".  But, I want to be respectful of our students and value the need my kids have for a schedule and routine among ministry life's need to be flexible.  

So after 4 years of being pregnant or nursing, our family enters 2012 with the goal to establish ourselves as a family unit of five.  I am finally ready/able to begin engaging my mind again.  I don't want that to sound negative.  I love being pregnant and caring for my little infants.  I'm just trying to recognize and accept the seasons God is ebbing and flowing us in and out of.  And I feel my way to walk alongside my youth pastor now is to stay interested and current in his field even if I can't be at all the stuff.  I want to be able to engage him in conversation that will help, encourage, and challenge him.  I am passionate about this next generation and desperately miss my opportunities to engage and chat with our students.  In new ways, though, God is providing opportunities like visits to our home during nap time or after bedtime.  :)  So, ready or not, here I come!  I'm ready to explore my new role as I serve alongside a youth pastor.